deserted

I have been spending some time at a relative's house. She has some young kids who often leave food abandoned around the house. I can't begin to count the instances of strange leftovers I've eaten, but maybe my favorite was a pizza crust of indeterminate age I found behind a couch. Almost like a crouton.

cherries, cherries. Why?

I am having stomach pains. Maybe the stomach pains are from eating some old raisins and dried cherries from...2001, I think. Don't look at me like that! I found an old hiking pack in my closet likely snatched up from some long-ago yard sale.  It had food inside. Cherries. And golden raisins. Golden raisins, Charlie! I didn't plan to eat them but took them with me to campus and eventually my hunger overcame my common sense.

There was also a Clif bar in there I want to eat, but I'd rather wait until it reaches it's 15th birthday. At the present it's too young to die. It's got its whole shelf life ahead of it.

Aged like a fine cheese

Went to look for some food I had left in a fridge but finding it gone decided upon:

Off-brand corn chips, part of a bag.

Half a quart of Almond Vanilla Soymilk.

Most of a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Chips were stale, I left them there more than a month ago.

But here's the clincher: Soymilk expiration date: 5/09/2014.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch: 5/28/2011. 2011. 
The bag was open, so it was pretty stale--after more than three years.
Why do I do this to myself? Will I get food poisoning? Don't I care what will happen to me?

In the end, though, you're hungry and you eat.


update: I felt fine but then the inside of both of my cheeks sloughed off. WHAT.